ABANDON ALL HOPE! (a novel) – Chapter 2
~Chapter 2~
“Where is Mr. Pinnock?” asked Robert Baker to the other 
clerks in First Fidelity’s break room.
“I have no clue,” said Mrs. McMaster, Pinnock’s executive assistant. “He did not call in this morning to say he would be late for work. I don’t think he had planned on taking the day off.”
“That’s really odd,” chimed in Rick Santori, the personnel manager of this, the largest bank in New Bern, South Carolina. “Mr. Pinnock’s not only the most punctual man I’ve ever known, but he doesn’t accept any excuse from any of us for coming in late! I remember the last time I was 15 minutes late and explaining that the thunderstorm had really clogged up Highway 75. Mr. Pinnock said, ‘Well, Santori, if you value your job you would have checked weather.com last night so you could have left earlier! I did.’ He then walked out of my office in a big huff! I sure hope he’s not been in some bad car wreck!”
Everyone in the break room saw Santori’s mouth turn up in a kind of snarl and realized that he meant exactly the opposite of what he said. Some of the others felt the same way, but kept their hatred to themselves.
Janet Miller, the newest bank teller, looked especially worried. “Has anyone called his home?”, she asked out loud.
“I was just on my way to do that,” Mrs. McMaster said. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. Now,” sounding a bit like her boss, “we’d all better get back to work!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“No, Mrs. McMaster, I haven’t heard or seen Mitchell this morning,” his wife said on the phone. “I know he was at a bank executives’ meeting last night in Kendall. I assumed that when he didn’t come home last night that he was exhausted and had decided to stay at the Hampton Inn and go into work this morning from there.” Her voice trembled as she said, “Do you think we should call the police?” It wasn’t like her husband to simply not show up at work.
“I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about, Mrs. Pinnock,” Mrs. McMaster said. “But just to be safe, I’ll give the Kendall police department a quick phone call. I’ll call you back the moment I know anything.”
“Thank you, Karen,” Mrs. Pinnock said. “I’ll wait for your call.” As she hung up the phone, Mrs. Pinnock thought to herself, there have been a few occasions when I didn’t know exactly where Mitchell was. I wonder . . .
The Kendall Police Department consisted of the sheriff and two deputies. “Kendall Police Department. Can I help you?”, answered Betty Lewis, the part-time dispatcher.
“Yes, this is Karen McMaster of First Fidelity Bank in New Bern.”
“How can we help you, Mrs. McMaster?”
“Our bank president, Mr. Mitchell Pinnock, did not come into work this morning. We know he was at a meeting last night in Kendall. I think it was at the Marriot. Were there any car wrecks last night that might have involved Mr. Pinnock?”
“No, Ma’am. Not that I know of,” Betty said. “But I’ll pass your concern on to Sheriff Thornton right away. He’ll put in a call to Mercy General just to be sure. Is there a number where we can reach you?”
As Mrs. McMaster gave out her direct line, she thanked the dispatcher and hung up. “I certainly hope Mr. Pinnock is okay,” she said to herself. (to be continued)
CARTOON MONDAY! Quite a gamble!
This summer I’ll be working on a book tentatively entitled
Twelve Atheists Who Trusted Christ. Here’s a cartoon that illustrates the attitude of some when it comes to belief in God.
Questions:
1. What do you find alarming about this cartoon?
2. What would you say to this couple if you met them after the church service?
ABANDON ALL HOPE! (a novel) – Chapter 1
~Chapter 1~
“Where am I?”, Mitchell O. Pinnock said to himself. “It’s dark as hell here! And that stench!”
Pinnock began dry heaving, but nothing came out of his stomach. “Have I fallen down some kind of elevator shaft? I don’t feel like any of my bones are broken. Am I standing — or am I on my back? I don’t know — I’m so disoriented.”
“I’ve got to think.” Pinnock pushed in the button on his watch that illuminated the dial. Nothing happened. He pushed harder. No light. Not even a little blue glow. Nothing. Pitch dark.
“That awful smell. What is that? It smells like rotting meat. I’ve got to sit down and get a hold of myself.”
As Pinnock started to sit down, he jumped up and said,
“Gosh, what was that? That’s hot! Am I in some kind of furnace? Every object he touched felt like a burner set on high. “Focus! FOCUS! What do I remember?”
The darkness and the putrid odor and the stifling heat were not, to say the least, conducive to reasoned reflection. He stood there for what seemed like an hour trying to put his thoughts together. But he found himself jumping from his gag reflex to his darkness-induced panic, to a sense that his own body was going to spontaneously combust.
“This must be some kind of dream, a nightmare that I can awake out of,” he said to himself. He tried to pinch himself, but as he touched his arm, his fingers immediately withdrew. “My arm feels like it’s on fire!”
“I wonder if anyone knows I’m missing? Surely someone will organize a search party to look for me. But where am I? And how did I get here?” (to be continued)
CONTEMPORARY ILLUSTRATIONS FOR PANICKY PREACHERS! (Letter “I”)
Friends: I’ve been collecting illustrations for about 30 years now. I once dreamed
of publishing a book of these, but have decided to give them away for FREE! I’ll post my collection — one letter at a time — over the next little while.
Let me know if you find any of these useful!
CONTEMPORARY ILLUSTRATIONS
FOR PANICKY PREACHERS
Identity
“My mother,” writes Cecile Broccolo, “whose talents do not include gardening, was planting seeds one afternoon when I dropped by to visit. As I gazed at her not-too-straight rows, I suggested that she mark each row so that she would know what she had planted. Without hesitation she replied, `My dear girl, this is a garden, not a cemetary. I expect all of these seeds to come up and identify themselves.’” (Readers’ Digest)
A king had hired a succession of tutors to help his son who was quite uncontrollable. They all failed and had resigned in great frustration. Finally, one tutor came along and when he had finished his work with the young prince, the prince was the model of co-operation and dignity. The king called the tutor into the throne room and asked, “What is it that you did differently?” The tutor said, “Your Majesty, it is quite simple. I took a piece of royal purple and pinned it on his shirt and I said to him, `Son, when you look at it, remember who you are!’” (Stephen Brown)
When Sir David McNee, who headed the crack London Metropolitan Police Force, addressed the Canadian Association of Chiefs of Police, he gave an example of British police humor by quoting the following parody of a Metropolitan Police examination question. “You are on patrol when an explosion occurs on the next street. Upon investigation you find a large hole and an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the van there is a strong smell of alcohol. Both occupants, a man and a woman, are injured. You know he is an unlicensed driver and his passenger is the wife of your inspector. A motorist stops to offer assistance, and you recognize him as a felon wanted for armed robbery. Suddenly, another man runs out of a nearly house shouting that his wife is expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has brought the birth imminent. At that moment, you hear someone crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent canal by the explosion. He cannot swim. Describe in a few words what you would do.” Sir David then said that one of his bright young officers was alleged to have given this problem some thought. The officer picked up his pen and wrote: “Remove uniform and mingle with crowd.” (International Fire Fighter)
Idleness
“Satan tempts men but the idle man tempts Satan, and very soon the evil one finds him something to do.” (William Taylor, David: King of Israel)
Idolatry
“Idolatry is worshiping anything that ought to be used, or using anything that is meant to be worshiped.” (Augustine)
Ignorance
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming.
He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me 100 baby chickens.”
The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, “Give me 200
baby chickens.” The co-op man complies. Again, a week later the man returns. This
time he says, “Give me 500 baby chickens.” “Wow!” the co-op man replies. “You must
really be doing well!” “Naw,” said the man with a sigh. “I’m either planting
them too deep or too far apart!”
Immortality
“Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations — these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit — immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” (C.S. Lewis)
Incarnation
Incarnation
Joseph Damien was a missionary in the nineteenth century who ministered to people with leprosy on the island of Molokai, Hawaii. Those suffering grew to love him and revered the sacrificial life he lived out before them.
One morning before Joseph was to lead them in their daily worship, he was pouring some hot water into a cup when the water swirled out and fell onto his bare foot. It took him a moment to realize that he had not felt any sensation. Gripped by the sudden fear of what this could mean, he poured more hot water on the same spot. No feeling whatsoever.
Damien immediately knew what had happened. As he walked tearfully to deliver his sermon, no one at first noticed the difference in his opening line. He normally began every sermon with, “My fellow believers.” But this morning he began with, “My fellow lepers.”
In a greater measure Jesus came into this world knowing what it would cost him. He bore in his pure being the marks of evil, that we might be made pure. “For this I came into the world,” he said (Jn. 18:37).
-Ravi Zacharias in Deliver us From Evil
Indifference
“We must remember that indifference . . . is a sin, and the worst of all sins, for indifference kills. Indifference does not burn a religion to death; it freezes it to death. It does not behead it; it slowly suffocates the life out of it.” (William Barclay, The Gospel of Matthew)
An estimated 500,000 tons of water rush over Niagara Falls every minute. On March 29, 1948, the falls suddenly stopped. People living within the sound of the falls were awakened by the overwhelming silence. They believed it was a sign that the world was coming to an end. It was thirty hours before the rush of water resumed. What happened? Heavy winds had set the ice fields of Lake Erie in motion. Tons of ice jammed the Niagara River entrance near Buffalo and stopped the flow of the river until the ice shifted again. The flow of God’s grace in our lives can be blocked by cold indifference. -Merle Mees Topeka, Kansas
Individual, Value of the
“The greatest works are done by the ones. The hundreds do not often do much — the companies never. It is the units, the single individuals, that are the power and the might.” (C.H. Spurgeon)
Inflation
Zimbabwe’s inflation: reached 1, 593 % in January (2007). One could buy a house, pool, and tennis court in 1990 for the same dollars as would buy a single brick today.
Instructions
An elderly lady decided she wanted the inside of her home painted so she looked in the newspaper and found an ad that said “no indoor house paining to small or large, call such and such number.” so the woman gave the man a call and the next day he came to her house. the woman showed him the bedroom and said she wanted it painted light blue, he measure the room, wrote down the color. then he went to the front door and yelled out “green side up”, then they went to the kitchen and she asked for a light yellow, the man wrote it down, went to the front door and again yelled,
“green side up” this went on for two other rooms with the man always going to the door and yelling “green side up”. after they were done getting everything on paper, the woman asked the man how come after every room was finished he would go the front door and yell “green side up”? the man laughed and told her that he also does landscaping and that he had just hired three idiots to lay sod across the street.
Maureen Boyle writes the Readers’ Digest: “While marking my pupils’ social-studies test papers, I was in a quandary about the answer given by one of the third-graders. Asked to name the four major directions, he wrote: `Listen carefully. Write neatly. Sit up straight. Raise your hand.’”
Integrity
Forty-eight percent of American workers admit to taking unethical or illegal actions in the past year. USA Today (4/14/97) listed the five most common types of unethical/illegal behavior that workers say they have engaged in because of pressure:
•Cut corners on quality control •Covered up incidents •Abused or lied about sick days •Lied to or deceived customers •Put inappropriate pressure on others. –survey by Ethics Officers Association and the American Society of Chartered Life Underwriters and Chartered Financial Consultants
Intelligence
>> This is the “Official Moron Test.”
>> It’s based upon typical graduation requirements at “The University
>> of Hard Knocks” http://www.min.net/~dogbyte. It separates the dumb
>> people from the really dumb people. Answer the following 13
>> questions, then scroll down and check your answers. DON’T CHEAT!!!
>> When you are done, count the number correct and see how you
>> compare to others.
>> OK, here we go……
>> 1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?
>> 2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
>> 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
>>4. How many outs are there in an inning?
>>5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow’s sister?
>>6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?
>>7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?
>>8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?
>>9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
>>10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark?
>>11. A butcher in the market is 5′-10″ tall. What does he weigh?
>>12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
>>13. What was the President’s name in 1960?
>>****NO CHEATING!!!!!******
>> So how do you think you did? Here are the answers….
>>
>>1. Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.
>>2. One (1). You can only be born once.
>>3. Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.
>>4. Six (6). Don’t forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.
>>5. No. He must be dead if it is his widow!
>>6. Seventy (70). 30 divided by 1/2 is 60.
>>7. Two (2). You take two apples… therefore, YOU have TWO apples.
>>8. One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only an hour has passed.
>>9. Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.
>>10. None. I didn’t know that Moses had an ark?
>>11. Meat… that is self-explanatory.
>>12. Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? TWELVE…it’s a dozen!
>>13. Bill Clinton. As far as I know, he hasn’t changed his name.
>>
>>So, how did you do?
>>
>> 13 correct….GENIUS….you are good!
>> 10-12 correct….ABOVE AVERAGE….but don’t let it go to your head
>> 7-9 correct….AVERAGE….but who wants to be average?
>> 4-6 correct….SLOW….pay attention to the question
>> 1-3 correct….IDIOT….what else can I say
>> 0 correct….CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON!!!!
Interpretation
A policeman pulls over a carload of nuns.
Policeman: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway-why are you going so slow?”
Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.”
Policeman: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!”
Sister: “Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”
At this point the policeman looks in the back seat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Policeman: “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something terrible.”
Sister: “Oh, we just got off of highway 119.”
CARTOON MONDAY! Death by Euphemisms!
There may be times when euphemisms (saying something negative in the nicest way possible) might be useful (such as in long-term counseling), 
but they often serve to excuse our sin, get us off the hook, keep us from feeling guilty about our trespasses, etc.
Questions:
1. What euphemisms for sin have you heard?
2. Did Jesus ever use euphemisms for sin? Why or why not?
CAN’T WAIT FOR HER NEW <<<>>>> PHONE!
My sweet wife Linda is looking forward to getting her new cell phone.
The “Apple” Phone
We both have Droids, and she sometimes struggles with keeping her phone charged, with knowing where it is, with, well …. answering it when it rings.
She said to me this morning: ”I’ve now got about $125 saved up from clothes I’ve sold at the consignment store. I’ve almost got enough to buy MY APPLE PHONE!”
Isn’t she adorable? She’s certainly the APPLE of my eye!
DISAPPOINTED AT THE VERY GOOD MOVIE “WE BOUGHT A ZOO”
The wife and I decided to watch a movie at home the other night and chose “We Bought a Zoo” as our entertainment.
We were quite impressed with the story line and character development UNTIL toward the end of the movie.
The little girl (who is pictured in the movie poster) was adorable UNTIL she delivered a line meant to cause a bad zoo inspector to allow them to re-open the closed-down zoo. She said something to him like, “Don’t be such a d&$#!” The word she used referred to a male body part.
WE WERE SO DISAPPOINTED! We expect to hear vulgarity 
from adults (who need their mouths washed out with soap — but that’s beside the point). But to hear this cute little sweetie use such language — well, it pretty much ruined the movie for us!
Questions:
1. Your perspective on vulgarity in movies? Have you seen “We Bought a Zoo”? What did you think of that line?
2. Have we become so accustomed to filthy language that it no longer troubles us?
larrydixon
