The five love languages Chapman describes are:
1. Words of Affirmation “If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.”
2. Acts of Service “If your partner’s offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.”
3. Affection “This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.”
4. Quality Time “This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.”
5. Gifts “Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.”
A humorous look at the Five Love Languages:
I’m well aware that my wife Linda and I are different. She’s pretty. I’m not. She’s thin. I want to be. Someday. Her love language is giving. Mine’s receiving. (Wait! That’s not a love language. Darn list). How do I like to be loved? Welllll . . . (sorry!). Uh, words of affirmation really make me feel important. But her love language is giving.
So, whenever I preach at our church or somewhere else, and she’s in the audience, I ask her right after the service, “How did I do?” She usually says, “fine.” That’s it! “Fine.” She doesn’t go into any detail. Doesn’t use other synonyms for “fine.” Her response is one four-letter word . . . “fine.” One nice word hardly meets the quota for “words (plural) of affirmation”! But if I did really a good job in my sermon, the next day — she buys me a new pair of socks! That’s how she shows she loves me!
I wish I could say that my sock drawer is bursting at the seams, but it isn’t. Not all of them are paired, in fact. And some of them lack a mate. (I imagine the wayward socks had the love language of “acts of service” — to someone else!).
There’s how we love and how we like to be loved. I like to be loved by words of affirmation, given with copious amounts of hugs and kisses, while my wife is letting me watch 9 hours of football, as she’s going out to buy me socks! She likes to be loved by quality time. With me. And acts of service. Like putting new batteries in the grandkids’ toys or pressure-washing the sidewalk or cleaning up the attic or doing the laundry or building a new storage shed or helping her find her honey-do list of jobs for me to complete around the house. Sometimes I want to try out some of the other love languages on her: “Good work pressure-washing the dog, Dear!” “Want to spend some quality time with me at Cabelas looking for new weapons to take down Bambi?” “Honey, I just love the way you change the grandkids’ diapers during the hockey, basketball, football, and baseball seasons. Really.”
What’s your love language? Talk it over with your significant other today. Maybe even buy each other some socks.