RSS

Joel Osteen’s “Check Theology” Light!

15 Nov


HOUSTON, TX—An exasperated Joel Osteen threw up his hands while preaching this past Sunday as his pulpit’s “Check Theology” light came on once again.

“Ugh, this is the third time this month—what now!?!” he shouted in a rare outburst. Osteen then suddenly realized that the tens of thousands of people who come to his church for a self-help speech every Sunday were watching him intently. “Oh, uh, heh—I mean, it’s no problem. I, uh, just had that little outburst so you could see what NOT to do.”

“See, you don’t want to let negativity in your life,” he said, regaining his composure as he plastered a fake smile on his face.

After the service, Osteen had a pulpit mechanic in to look at the sleek, stainless steel podium. The mechanic hooked it up to his portable computer. “Ah, here’s your problem, bud,” the worker said. “Looks like you’re preaching the Word-Faith gospel again. See, when you tell people that all they have to do to solve their problems is speak words of positivity, it trips the warning on this model.”

“I recommend repenting of your false gospel right away,” the mechanic said helpfully.

Osteen then thanked the mechanic for his help and paid him to rip the Check Theology light right out of the dash.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 15, 2019 in false teaching

 

Tags: , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: