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“Girl Washes Face” – Satire from the Babylon Bee!

21 Mar


FRANKLIN, TN—Following the advice of popular self-help books by Rachel Hollis, local woman Brenda Jenkins decided she’d get up, wash her face, and stop apologizing, seizing the moment and living her life to the fullest.

Unfortunately, Jenkins is still on her way to hell where she’ll be separated from God forever unless and until she repents and trusts Christ as her Savior.

“These books really helped me to see that I needed to live life to the fullest and give up everything to follow my dreams,” said the woman who will spend eternity apart from God unless she denies herself, takes up her cross, and follows Jesus. “I now know that I need to give up shame and guilt and simply live for what’s most important: me.”

The woman who is still on a trajectory that will lead her to a place of eternal condemnation for her sin stated she was “pretty excited” about what the future holds after learning to live today to the fullest, cast doubts and fear aside, and simply become who she envisions herself to be.

“I’m really glad I read these books—now I can become the best version of myself,” she said, not realizing she would never be able to become who she was meant to be outside of Christ.

 
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Posted by on March 21, 2020 in satire

 

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