Category Archives: humor
They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your car!”
An old man calls his son and says, “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. “I’m sick of her face, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her,” and he hangs up….
Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, “No way they’re getting divorced!” She calls their father immediately. “You’re not getting divorced! Don’t do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don’t call a lawyer, don’t file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up the phone.
The old man turns to his wife and says, “Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.”
The Old Rugged Face
Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up
It is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt
Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing
Amazing Grace, Considering My Age
Just a Slower Walk With Thee
Count Your Many Birthdays, Name Them One by One
Go Tell It On The Mountain, But Speak Up
Give Me That Old Timers’ Religion
Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah, I’ve Forgotten Where I Parked