Babylon Bee Satire on Diet and Exercise!

U.S.—An exciting new exercise bike, sold under the brand “Christ Fit,” will force the rider to watch Christian movies until he or she hits a chosen fitness goal for a given exercise session, sources confirmed Thursday.

Once the user hits a pre-selected goal of riding minutes, distance traveled, or burned calories, the exercise bike will turn off the Christian film and allow the user to change the programming to a different movie or TV program.

“We were looking for something to really motivate people to get moving,” a Christ Fit representative said. “We tried playing Newsboys songs, gospel quartet sing-a-longs, and even some Rob Bell sermons. But nothing seemed to motivate those working out like forcing them to watch a corny Christian film made on a shoestring budget until they’d biked their hearts out.”

Early tests indicated that unmotivated exercisers would pedal three to four times harder when subjected to a film like Fireproof, Saving Christmas, or God’s Not Dead, with the promise of sweet release from the movie’s death-grip motivating an unprecedented level of exertion.

 

Stay Spiritually Fit and Healthy — Until You Are Dead! Part 6

“It just dawned on me that there are 70 pounds of you that I’m not legally married to!”  These words could be said by my wife Linda, but she wouldn’t.  But she could.  Physically, I need to lose “a few pounds” — and I’m working on it.

Diet and exercise — that’s what I’m doing.  And it’s working!  My problem (among the many that I have) is that I sometimes try to do too much exercise.  Like yesterday when I played two sets of singles tennis and then had a doubles match last night!  My legs are speaking to me this morning and saying things that Christian legs ought  not to say.

But I want to get “in shape”, to “be fit.”  And that’s going take some work.

So it is in the Christian life.  We’ve been looking at the little epistle of Titus and seeing Paul’s concern for the spiritual health of this young Christian leader.  We move into chapter three of this letter:

Paul’s admonitions to Titus in this section relate to how we treat others.  Specifically, believers have an obligation to “be subject to rulers and authorities.”  A rebellious, anti-government attitude is not to characterize the follower of Jesus.  Obedience to God-appointed authority is a sign of spiritual health.

We are “to be ready to do whatever is good” (v. 1).  The spiritually healthy believer is an active believer, one who looks for opportunities to show by his or her works that the God of the Bible is real and wants a relationship with His creation.

Our speech (“to slander no one”) and our heart attitudes (“to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone”) are healthy conditions towards which we ought to strive.  The grouchy Christian is a contradiction in terms.  The harsh believer needs to drop down and do twenty push-ups, realizing that His Savior is gentle in heart.

The Lord Jesus — God manifest in the flesh — was subject to authorities, obedient, ready to do whatever is good, slandered no one, was peaceable and considerate and always gentle towards everyone.  And I want to be like Him.  You?   (to be continued)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exercise Program? (Time for a Great Cartoon)

 

“Continuing the Race”: A Message for the Supporters of Dayspring Bible Camp Part 2

On August 3-5 I get to work with a group of young people in a “Theology Matters” weekend at Dayspring Bible Camp in Ironton, Mo (here‘s their website).  We will be studying the issue of friendship evangelism.  But I will also get to share a message with the supporters of the camp who have chosen the theme “Continue the Race.” So we want to look at the running metaphor as it is used by Scripture as I work on a message for these believers.

Schreiner and Caneday’s The Race Set Before Us examines five uses of the running metaphor in the Scriptures.  We’ve noticed the first challenge based on the running metaphor and that is that God Calls Us into This Race (Phil. 3:14).   That verse reads, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  

The second reference to running the race is found in I Timothy 4:7-8 where we read, “7 Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. 8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”  The challenge here is

II. We Train for This Race!  Notice some specific aspects of this training:

1.  Training is not just what one does; it also involves what one doesn’t do!  The runner in this race is to have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales!  The race is both physical and mental. We are not to fritter away our time with stories and issues that don’t matter! Exhausting our mental energy on useless arguments and debates will not help us run the race.

2.  Training is for a specific purpose: to be godly!  We are to work hard at becoming like our Savior (see 2 Peter 1 if you think that godly virtues come automatically to the believer).

3.  Training for godliness has eternal value!  We read that “physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”  My best friend growing up was Ronnie who got into body building.  His father did not approve and quoted this verse to him from the King James Bible “For bodily exercise profiteth little!”  Actually, he misquoted the verse, for it says “bodily exercise profiteth a little . . .”  Physical exercise is fine — and important — but these bodies are going to wear out, aren’t they?

Are you training for your race?  Are you in training right now? That training won’t be complete until we see the Lord and He finishes the job of making us like Himself!  But, may I ask you, how’s the training going right now? (to be continued)

 

Getting into Shape!

“I really need to get into shape. Today I realized that if I got murdered, my chalk outline would be a circle!”

 

Time for a Great Joke: Exercise?

 

Time for Some Senior Humor: Exercise!

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.

So if you find as you age that you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

 

Time for a Good Joke: Miracle Diet!

An overweight clerk consulted his doctor for advice.

The doctor advised that the clerk run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would burn off as much as twenty pounds.

The clerk followed the doctor’s advice and, after thirty days, was pleased to note a loss of twenty pounds.

 The clerk phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice that produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, there was one last question:

 “How do I get home, since I’m now 300 miles away?”

 

My Debut in Stand-Up Comedy!

Some of you may know that my son Brian and I took stand-up comedy lessons together in Charlotte!  What an experience.  I learned a great deal in those sessions — and a bunch more in our performance last Monday night.

There’s a lot of funny out there!  If we will only take the time to notice.

Here’s the link (click on the picture).  I’m open to your comments (be gentle).

 

 

How Do I Get Spiritually Healthy? (a study of Titus – Part 20)

Believe it or not — I’ve run out of machines!  The last part of my workout involves a few minutes on a treadmill.  But the fact that those are all the machines that I’ve used to do my “reps,” an idea occurred to me.  Why not use everyday things as weights?

For example, when the little woman invites you to take out the garbage, why not see it as an opportunity for some “reps”?  Don’t just take out the garbage — do some work on your lats or your pecs or your abdominals by creatively walking to the garbage can while swinging your arms.

Granted, the neighbors will look at you funny, pull their children behind them, and close their drapes, but, hey, bodybuilders are a marginalized minority.  I love the following cartoon:

 

But our real reason for talking about our exercise is to continue our study in the epistle of Titus which deals with the issue of becoming SPIRITUALLY HEALTHY.  We were thinking of chapter 3.  Here’s our text:

3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8 This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.

Here are a few questions that occur to me on 3:3-8 — and my preliminary answers:

1.  List the seven descriptors of our before-Christ lives.  What seems to be the major point that the Apostle Paul is making here?  foolish/disobedient/deceived/enslaved to passions & pleasures/lived in malice & envy/being hated & hating one another.  Paul’s major point seems to be to remind us where we were before Christ saved us!

2.  How is salvation clearly shown here not to be by our works? (verses 4-5)  We are not saved by righteous things we do!

3.  We learn of the new birth in John 3 and the Holy Spirit’s role in bringing that about. What additional information do we get in verses 5-6 about the Third Member of the Trinity?  The Holy Spirit washes and renews us and is poured out generously on us!

4.  Have you thought much about your being an HEIR in the family of God?  What other verses speak of our inheritance in the New Testament?  Here are several verses about our becoming heirs: 

Galatians 4:7
So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.

Acts 20:32
“Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified.

Ephesians 1:14
who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

Ephesians 1:18
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,

Colossians 1:12
and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.

Colossians 3:24
since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Hebrews 9:15
For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.

1 Peter 1:4
and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you,