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Perfect Satire on Joel Osteen – From the Babylon Bee!

HOUSTON, TX—An exasperated Joel Osteen threw up his hands while preaching this past Sunday as his pulpit’s “Check Theology” light came on once again.

“Ugh, this is the third time this month—what now!?!” he shouted in a rare outburst. Osteen then suddenly realized that the tens of thousands of people who come to his church for a self-help speech every Sunday were watching him intently. “Oh, uh, heh—I mean, it’s no problem. I, uh, just had that little outburst so you could see what NOT to do.”

“See, you don’t want to let negativity in your life,” he said, regaining his composure as he plastered a fake smile on his face.

After the service, Osteen had a pulpit mechanic in to look at the sleek, stainless steel podium. The mechanic hooked it up to his portable computer. “Ah, here’s your problem, bud,” the worker said. “Looks like you’re preaching the Word-Faith gospel again. See, when you tell people that all they have to do to solve their problems is speak words of positivity, it trips the warning on this model.”

“I recommend repenting of your false gospel right away,” the mechanic said helpfully.

Osteen then thanked the mechanic for his help and paid him to rip the Check Theology light right out of the dash.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2019 in Joel Osteen

 

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Four Workshops for the Conference “Iron Sharpens Iron”

Friends:

The “Iron Sharpens Iron” conference, which will be held atFirefoxScreenSnapz129 Emmaus Bible College in Dubuque, Iowa, May 23-25, is an excellent opportunity for church leaders to network with other leaders and be challenged on this year’s topic “The Glory of the Gospel.”  The conference website for registration and further information is here.

PreviewScreenSnapz057The plenary speaker is Dr. Don Carson of Trinity Evangelical Divinity School.  Don has produced much work on this topic and his sermons can be found here.

I’m scheduled to present four workshops which I want to describe to youTextEditScreenSnapz001 in the next few posts.  Here are the titles of my workshops:

The first workshop, “None Dare Call It Heresy: Substitute Gospels and Their Evangelists,” is a study of the concept of heresy in the Scriptures.  Some of the material in this workshop will come from my four Emmaus Journal articles entitled “Whatever Happened to Heresy?”  Those four articles are being published as a small book and will be available soon.

Just one thought on this first workshop:  We live in a culture addicted to choices.  But as Dr. Barry Schwartz points out in his book The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less, having numerous choices is not always best.  The term “heresy” means choice.  Those who choose to believe alternative gospels need to be challenged from the Scriptures.  The Apostle Paul warns Timothy:

16 Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. 17 Their teaching will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, 18 who have departed from the truth. They say that the resurrection has already taken place, and they destroy the faith of some. 19 Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.” (2 Tim. 2)

Questions:

1.  What contemporary Christian writers come to your mind when you think of the term “heresy”?

2.  While violence against heretics is not condoned in the Scriptures, what are some steps we can take to minimize the damage such teachers do?

Here is a great blog about the Boston tragedy.  Please read it.

 

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2013 in the gospel

 

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