Tag Archives: relationships
Ruminating on ROMANS! (Some Thoughts on Paul’s Great Epistle) #49 “Critical Imperatives for the Christ-Follower” (A Study of Romans 12) Part 21
Many of you know that my New Jersey friend Frank and I are reading through God’s Word together (described here). We’re now in the book of Romans and have been reading chapter 12 during the last while.
I count 24 injunctions or commands or imperatives for the believer here in Romans 12. I’m aware that the expression “critical imperative” is redundant, but I think it’s useful for what we see here in this great chapter.
We’ve seen that the believer is to offer his body as a living sacrifice, not to conform to the pattern of this world, to be transformed by the renewing of his mind, to think of himself with sober judgment, to use his gifts to build up the body of Christ, to hate as God hates, to be devoted to the body in love, to honor one another beyond yourselves, to keep one’s spiritual fervor, to be joyful in hope, to be patient in affliction, to be faithful in prayer, to share with the Lord’s people who are in need, to practice hospitality, to bless those who persecute them, to use our emotions for the Lord and for each other, to live in harmony with one another, to reach out to others regardless of their status, to not repay evil with evil, and to do right before everyone!
Let’s continue our multipart study by looking at verse 18.
The twenty-first critical imperative is quite clear —
21. Believers are LIVE AT PEACE WITH EVERYONE WHEN POSSIBLE (v. 18)!
Ahhh, living in peace. That’s not always easy to do. If I am left to myself, it’s fairly easy in the sense that I’m an introvert and I’m perfectly happy being by myself. That way I don’t have to worry about getting along with others!
But God is relational and He wants me to be as well. Simply being a cave-dwelling self isn’t what He desires in the child of God. We are to relate to others — and sometimes that produces conflict and disagreement and friction.
The answer? Do everything you can (“If it is possible”) to live at peace with everyone. I can only do what lies in my power (“as far as it depends on you”). I can’t force others to live at peace with me, but I can choose and make careful decisions to maximize the possibility of peace with everyone.
This involves several steps, it seems to me. It means that (1) I’m to keep short accounts with others. That is, I’m to apologize when I’ve wronged someone and to be honest with them when they’ve wronged me (Matthew 5 and 18). It means that (2) I’m to forgive others just as God in Christ has forgiven me (Col. 3:13). It means that, on occasion, I might have to bring others into my conflict situation to act as peacemakers (Mt. 5:9; James 3:18). And that’s a humbling, but important, thing to do.
Today’s Challenge: Are you presently living at peace with everyone? If not, what specific steps will you take in your power to resolve that situation or restore that relationship? Anything keeping you from taking those steps?
Ruminating on ROMANS! (Some Thoughts on Paul’s Great Epistle) #47 “Critical Imperatives for the Christ-Follower” (A Study of Romans 12) Part 19
Many of you know that my New Jersey friend Frank and I are reading through God’s Word together (described here). We’re now in the book of Romans and are reading chapter 12 each day this week.
I count 24 injunctions or commands or imperatives for the believer here in Romans 12. I’m aware that the expression “critical imperative” is redundant, but I think it’s useful for what we see here in this great chapter.
We’ve seen that the believer is to offer his body as a living sacrifice, not to conform to the pattern of this world, to be transformed by the renewing of his mind, to think of himself with sober judgment, to use his gifts to build up the body of Christ, to hate as God hates, to be devoted to the body in love, to honor one another beyond yourselves, to keep one’s spiritual fervor, to be joyful in hope, to be patient in affliction, to be faithful in prayer, to share with the Lord’s people who are in need, to practice hospitality, to bless those who persecute them, to use our emotions for the Lord and for each other, to live in harmony with one another, and to reach out to others regardless of their status!
Let’s continue our multipart study by looking at verse 17.
The nineteenth critical imperative is pretty straightforward —
19. Believers are NOT TO REPAY EVIL FOR EVIL (v. 17)!
My default setting — and I’ll bet yours as well — is to remember every offense done to me. And not just remember them, but to at least think about retaliation!
Okay, don’t look so spiritual. You probably don’t suffer wrong any better than I do! One of my biggest challenges is driving. I drive just fine. It’s other people that have lost their minds. And they cut me off, ride on my bumper, don’t signal when they pull in front of me, drive 100 in a 70 mph zone. Basically irritate the living daylights out of me. I sometimes flash my headlights at those who commit these egregious vehicular offenses, occasionally give them a glare of profound religious indignation, and then begin scheming. Yes, I scheme.
I think about following them to their place of business and keying their car. That’s when you take your key and scratch the side of their car with it. I’ve never keyed anyone’s car. Even when they deserved it. But I’ve thought about it.
And then . . . I repented. It’s not mine to bring down God’s hammer of judgment on wayward sinners. And it would be EVIL for me to do so.
How about you? Don’t you long for judgment — perhaps immediate wrath — to be dispensed on the malefactors that have committed evil on you? on the world? But we are to leave judgment in GOD’s hands.
Today’s Challenge: What offense against you causes you to plot retaliation? There are none? Then I guess Paul’s admonition to not repay evil for evil doesn’t apply to you. Or does it?
Ruminating on ROMANS! (Some Thoughts on Paul’s Great Epistle) #46 “Critical Imperatives for the Christ-Follower” (A Study of Romans 12) Part 18
Many of you know that my New Jersey friend Frank and I are reading through God’s Word together (described here). We’re now in the book of Romans and are reading chapter 12 each day this week.
I count 24 injunctions or commands or imperatives for the believer here in Romans 12. I’m aware that the expression “critical imperative” is redundant, but I think it’s useful for what we see here in this great chapter.
We’ve seen that the believer is to offer his body as a living sacrifice, not to conform to the pattern of this world, to be transformed by the renewing of his mind, to think of himself with sober judgment, to use his gifts to build up the body of Christ, to hate as God hates, to be devoted to the body in love, to honor one another beyond yourselves, to keep one’s spiritual fervor, to be joyful in hope, to be patient in affliction, to be faithful in prayer, to share with the Lord’s people who are in need, to practice hospitality, to bless those who persecute them, to use our emotions for the Lord and for each other, and to live in harmony with one another!
Let’s continue our multipart study by looking again at verse 16.
The eighteenth critical imperative is —
18. Believers are to REACH OUT TO OTHERS REGARDLESS OF THEIR STATUS (v. 16)!
How we relate to other believers is really important! And the Apostle Paul gets at our heart attitude which underlies the way we associate or don’t associate with others.
Pride often keeps us from connecting with those who would value our friendship and encouragement. If we are trapped in what one writer calls “the terrible squirrel cage of self,” we will miss opportunities to show Christ’s love, especially to those of a different economic or educational or racial background.
Conceit frequently lies at the heart of the problem. If I find my deepest significance in myself and my talents and my background, I am forgetting my new life in Christ! My pride is to be in the Lord and in what He is doing in my life. Sinful, self-serving, self-focused conceit ruins relationships. And that’s not what the Lord wants from us!
Today’s Challenge: Think of a specific person as you meditate on verse 16. How does your pride or conceit inhibit you from reaching out to them?
The Theology of Calvin . . . and Hobbes (Relationships)
God was pleased with His creation, Genesis 1 tells us. He saw all that He had made — all the creatures and man — and “it was good.” Then God saw something that He described as “not good” (Gen. 2:18). It was not good for man to be alone. He needed a counterpart — so God created Eve.
Man — alone??? He had GOD! He had a perfect relationship with his Creator. But Adam needed a human companion. He needed relationships with other humans. And so do we.
A Spiritually Healthy Family (A Study of the Epistle to Titus) (Part 5 of 5)
I am looking forward to speaking at Camp Elim’s Family Camp May 25-27. The theme I have chosen is “A Spiritually Healthy Family” and we will be going through the three chapters of Paul’s letter to Titus.
We’ve already seen that the spiritually healthy family cares deeply about the local church (1:1-9), that it recognizes false teaching in its many forms and opposes it (1:10-16), and that the spiritually healthy family appreciates and applies the clear instructions of God’s Word (2:1-10). In our last post we saw that this kind of family allows God’s grace to have its full power in their lives (2:11-15).
Let’s notice lastly in chapter three that —
The spiritually healthy family —
V. Cares Deeply about Relationships in the World and in the Church! (ch. 3)
A. Relationships in the World (vv. 1-2)
We are in this world and are to behave ourselves in it! We are to be subject to earthly authorities (unless they try to force us to deny the Lord). As I argue in my soon-to-be-published book Unlike Jesus, we should be friends of sinners (Mt. 11:19) without being a “friend of the world” (James 4:4).
B. Relationship with the Lord (vv. 3-8)
This is a tough section. Paul pulls no punches as he speaks about our BC (before conversion) condition (v. 3). Then we have the wonderful descriptions of God’s “kindness” in Christ (vv. 4-8).
C. Relationships with Negative People (vv. 9-11)
Some people should be avoided! The passage seems to be talking 
about those in the family of God who want to argue about genealogies and quarrels about the law (v. 9). Actually, we’re not to just avoid them; we are to warn them! And then have nothing to do with them.
D. Relationships with Fellow-Workers (vv. 12-15)
Don’t you love it when Paul names names? Artemas and Tychicus (see Eph. 6:21-22) and Titus and Zenas the lawyer (there will be lawyers in heaven!) and Apollos. Paul speaks of “our people” and how they must devote themselves to doing what is good. He also speaks of “everyone with me.” He also says, “Greet those who love us in the faith.”
As an introvert, I’m okay with my laptop, my dog Scrabble, and occasional conversations with my wife. But that’s not how God intended us to be! He is a relational God and wants us to value others, especially those in ministry!
Some Thoughts on FRIENDSHIP — From an INTROVERT! (Part 4) THE OLD TESTAMENT ON FRIENDSHIPS! (Part 3)
Who cares about FRIENDSHIP? 
The answer is, we all should! And I, especially as an introvert, need to do some serious thinking about my relationships (or lack thereof). I’m excited about getting to write two books this year (probably) about friendships. The first, tentatively entitled With Friends Like These . . . Biblical Friendships from Job to Jesus will examine the Word of God on the importance of friendships — with both believers and unbelievers! Let’s review a bit:
We noticed in the Pentateuch that Adam needed human companionship, that God actually had the Levites kill their friends for idolatry, and that two men specifically (Abraham and Moses) were called “the friend of God.”
In the History Books we mentioned the beautiful friendship between Jonathan and David and how it is perversely viewed as a homosexual relationship by some today, causing many men not to get close to other men out of fear!
In the Poetry Books of the Old Testament we see in the book of Job the importance of “helping” a friend in pain.If one’s view of God and reality is flawed, advice given can be adding to one’s pain. The Psalter has much to say about friendship, especially the pain of friends’ turning away when life becomes hard (see 31:11; 38:11; 41:9; 55:12-14; etc.). David declares he is “a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts” (Ps. 119:63). The book of Proverbs reminds us that the rich have many friends (19:6). The righteous choose their friends carefully (12:26) and we are warned that gossip separates close friends (17:9).
One of the most critical points about friendship made in the book of 
Proverbs is found in 27:6 where we read, ““Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” None of us likes to be wounded, but there are useful wounds from those who love us which are far more valuable than empty expressions of affection. Similarly, Proverbs 27:9 says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” (27:9). Very practically we are told in 22:24 that we should “not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.”
Let’s (lastly) think about the section of Scripture called the Major and Minor Prophets. The prophets were often treated as outcasts, especially when they preached judgment on God’s covenant people! Messages of condemnation are not fertile soil for developing friendships! The distinction between the Major and the Minor Prophets is not a commentary on their messages. The Major Prophets (Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations, Ezekiel, and Daniel) are longer than the Minor Prophets (Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, and Malachi).
In Isaiah 41:8 we have a wonderful reference to the patriarch Abraham as Israel is referred to as “you descendants of Abraham my friend.” Jeremiah rebukes God’s people for their ungodly divorces and their prostitution. And they are surprised that God is bringing judgment on them! Jeremiah quotes their perverse prayer in which they address the Lord: “Have you not just called to me: ‘My Father, my friend from my youth,5 will you always be angry? Will your wrath continue forever?’ This is how you talk, but you do all the evil you can.” (Jeremiah 3:4-5).
God’s impending judgment will ruin relationships among His covenant people, and through Jeremiah the Lord says, “Beware of your friends; do not trust anyone in your clan. For every one of them is a deceiver, and every friend a slanderer. Friend deceives friend, and no one speaks the truth. They have taught their tongues to lie; they weary themselves with sinning.” (Jeremiah 9:4-5).
Jeremiah specifically says that Judah would be turned over to the Babylonians and the Lord would make His people “a terror to yourself and to all your friends” (Jeremiah 20:4). The “trusted friends” who preached peace, Jeremiah says, will cause “your feet [to be] sunk in the mud; your friends have deserted you” (Jeremiah 38:22). Daniel and his friends were in danger of being executed, but the Lord rescued them (Daniel 2:13, 17-18). Obadiah predicts that “your friends will deceive and overpower you; those who eat your bread will set a trap for you, but you will not detect it.” (Obadiah 1:7). Micah says, “Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace guard the words of your lips.” (Micah 7:5)
In our last reference in the Prophets to friendship, we have the fascinating text in Zechariah 13:6 that reads, “If someone asks, ‘What are these wounds on your body?’ they will answer, ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.’” Some see that text as Messianic, for even the Lord Jesus’ closest friends deserted Him.
Some Thoughts on FRIENDSHIP — From an INTROVERT! (Part 4) THE OLD TESTAMENT ON FRIENDSHIPS! (Part 2)
Two books on friendship — who needs ’em? The answer is — I DO! As an introvert, I try to avoid people, large crowds, telemarketers. But God in His humor has me writing two books on . . . friendship! This first book is tentatively entitled With Friends Like These . . . Biblical Friendships from Job to Jesus. We began in our last post thinking about the Old Testament on friendship.
While our study must be cursory, we noticed in the Pentateuch that Adam needed human companionship, that God actually had the Levites kill their friends for idolatry, and that two men specifically (Abraham and Moses) were called “the friend of God.”
In the History Books we mentioned the beautiful friendship between Jonathan and David and how it is perversely viewed as a homosexual relationship by some today, causing many men not to get close to other men out of fear!
Let’s take a brief look at the Poetry Books of the Old Testament this morning. What do we see there? The book of Job lays out for us the truth of being with a friend in pain. It also shows the danger of trying to “help” one’s friend through their pain when the helper’s view of God and reality is flawed. Job’s three friends each lecture him on his sin and his need to repent. And they are wrong in their assessment (see Job 42:7). Theology is important, but can be used as a weapon to further hurt the wounded.
The Psalter has much to say about friendship, especially the pain of friends’ turning away when life becomes hard (see 31:11; 38:11; 41:9; 55:12-14; etc.). David declares he is “a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts” (Ps. 119:63). The book of Proverbs reminds us that the rich have many friends (19:6). The righteous choose their friends carefully (12:26) and we are warned that gossip separates close friends (17:9). One of the most critical points about friendship made in the book of Proverbs is found in 27:6 where we read, ““Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” None of us likes to be wounded, but there are useful wounds from those who love us which are far more valuable than empty expressions of affection. Similarly, Proverbs 27:9 says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” (27:9). Very practically we are told in 22:24 that we should “not make friends with a hot-tempered person; do not associate with one easily angered.”
In our next and last post on the Old Testament’s advice on friendships we will look at the major and minor prophets.
Some Thoughts on FRIENDSHIP — From an INTROVERT! (Part 4) THE OLD TESTAMENT ON FRIENDSHIPS! (Part 1)
We are using these posts to begin our work on 
two books on friendship. This is good for me. I’m a card-carrying introvert (there’s not really a card; it’s more like a name tag). People wear me out. But I need to know others — and I need to work at relationships with both God’s people and those who are not yet in the Family.
Let’s survey the Old Testament a bit on the topic of friendship. What do we learn? (Our study is quite selective, as you will see).
The Law/The Pentateuch (Torah): Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy are in this section. Here in Genesis we get the story of creation, including the fascinating section on a lonely Adam (before sin entered God’s world and before the creation of Eve)! We also are told the stories of Abraham the friend of God and of Moses, the one with whom God spoke “face to face as to a friend” (Ex 33:11).
In Exodus we learn a terrible truth about friendship. The context is of the people of Israel worshiping a golden calf even as Moses is receiving the Ten Commandments from the Lord. The people were “running wild” and becoming “a laughingstock to their enemies” (Ex. 32:25). God acts in judgment and has Moses rally the Levites to whom he says, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbor.’” 28 The Levites did as Moses commanded, and that day about three thousand of the people died. 29 Then Moses said, “You have been set apart to the Lord today, for you were against your own sons and brothers, and he has blessed you this day.” There are limits to human friendship.
Our next reference to friends comes in the book of Deuteronomy and also deals with the issue of idolatry. There we read the words “If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, ‘Let us go and worship other gods’ (gods that neither you nor your ancestors have known) . . .” The text goes on to say that you must be the first one to execute that person by stoning! Friends that seek to lead you into idolatry, at least in the book of Deuteronomy, should be executed! Friendship is an important value, but not more important than worshiping the true God!
Israel is forbidden to enter into a treaty with the nations that did not help them when they escaped Egypt: “Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them as long as you live.” (Dt. 23:6).
The History Books: The Historical Books are comprised of 12 books. Joshua, Judges, and Ruth tell the earliest history of the Jews; 1 and 2 Samuel with 1 and 2 Kings, and 1 and 2 Chronicles cover about five hundred years reporting the fall of Judah to Babylon. The next three books, Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther are about their life in captivity, release from it, and the restoration of Jerusalem. In I Samuel we have the beautiful story of the friendship of Jonathan and David, a story sadly — and wrongly — sexualized by today’s homosexual agenda. We read in I Samuel 20 – “After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most. Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’’ Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.” After the sad death of Jonathan, David says, “I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.” (2 Sam. 1:26).
In this of the Old Testament we also learn of the practice of new monarchies. In the ancient world whenever a new king would ascend to the throne, the relatives of the former king would often be in grave danger. This practice was followed by some of Israel’s kings. For example, Zimri began his reign by killing off Baasha’s whole family. We read that “He did not spare a single male, whether relative or friend.” (I Ki. 16:11). The same is said of Jehu who “killed everyone in Jezreel who remained of the house of Ahab, as well as all his chief men, his close friends and his priests, leaving him no survivor.” (2 Ki. 10:11).
We also get the amazing statement about Abraham in 2 Chronicles 20:7 – “Our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend?”
In our next post, we will look at the Wisdom (or Poetry) literature and learn several principles about godly friendships.
Some Thoughts on FRIENDSHIP — From an INTROVERT! (Part 3) A LONELY ADAM!
ADAM WAS AN EXTROVERT! The Bible doesn’t say that specifically, 
but, as an INTROVERT, I think he was.
Let me back up a bit. This year it looks like I’ll be writing two books on friendship. One will be on being a friend of sinners like Jesus was (Mt. 11:19); the other on friendship in general. But what do I care about friendships? I’m an introvert. I’m perfectly happy by myself and my laptop and my dog and occasional visits by my wife.
And that’s what’s funny. God calling me to study and write about relationships. But I need to. And I’ll do my best.
In these posts we’ve noticed that the human being is not the creator of relationships, but our Trinitarian God who has always been in a love relationship between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And the Christian gospel is that because of Christ we can enter into that connection, that friendship, with God Himself!
Why did God create Adam? Not for any lack in God, but for His glory. God creates Adam, sees that His creation is “good” (Gen. 1:10, 12, 18, 21, 25), and then declares that what He had made was “very good” (Gen. 1:31). After His rest on the seventh day, the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and placed him in the Garden to take care of it. God gave Adam work to do in the Garden and a simple command not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Gen. 2:15ff).
God assigns Adam the work of naming all the animals after declaring, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:17). Don’t skip over those words too quickly. “It is not good . . .” Something in God’s good creation was not good. And it was that Adam had no human counterpart.
One of my seminary colleagues laughs at me when I suggest that Adam’s naming of the animals was the means by which God convinced Adam that he needed a human counterpart. “Let’s see,” Adam might have said. “Let’s name you Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe. And you two we’ll name Mr. and Mrs. Hippopotamus . . .” It is as if Adam needed to see that for him “no suitable helper [was] found” (Gen. 2:20). So God creates Eve from one of Adam’s ribs.
But Adam had been in perfect fellowship with God! Just Adam and his Creator. However, God saw that Adam was lonely. He needed a human counterpart. We need other human beings in our lives.
Sin, of course, marred everything. After Adam and Eve’s rebellion is confronted by the Lord, Adam actually blames God for bringing Eve into existence (and leading him into sin)!
But let’s not miss the critical point that Adam, in the perfect environment of the Garden, before sin, is lonely. He needs a human counterpart. And God provides Eve. I sometimes catch myself humming the words to the old praise chorus “Just Jesus and Me” (obviously written by an introvert). We were made for relationships — and not just with our Creator!
May I ask you a favor? Would you pray for me and these two writing projects at least once a week over the next few months? If you agree to do this, you may let me know privately through my email (theoprof@bellsouth.net) or publicly in the comment section below. THANKS!
Dr. Larry Dixon
larrydixon.wordpress.com 