Seniors! On the 8th Day . . .

 And on the 8th day,
God created Seniors. Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom, God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find, as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older:

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 Men have two motivations: hunger and sex, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.                             %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Please share this wisdom with others; I need to go to the bathroom.

 

The Master Chef Senior (A funny video)

 

A Word to the Wise . . . about OLD PEOPLE!

As you can probably gather, I had to change one word on this T-shirt, but you get the point!

 

Hymns for Seasoned Citizens

The Old Rugged Face

Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up

It is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt

Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing

Amazing Grace, Considering My Age

Just a Slower Walk With Thee

Count Your Many Birthdays, Name Them One by One

Go Tell It On The Mountain, But Speak Up

Give Me That Old Timers’ Religion

Blessed Insurance

Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah, I’ve Forgotten Where I Parked

 

 

Alexa for Seniors! (SNL Skit)

 

KJV Publishers Switch Exclusively to Large-Print Editions (Satire from the Babylon Bee)

NASHVILLE, TN—Publishers of the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible have come to an agreement that they will only produce large-print editions of the sacred text. The decision is primarily based on sales trends, but some say the choice also has spiritual significance.

Dan Gregg, president of Authorized, one of many KJV publishers, said, “It’s weird. We didn’t get a single order for our regular-size-print edition, but our large-print Bibles are flying off the shelves.”

An apparent reason for the popularity of large print would be the age of its readers, but a team of researchers with the publishing aggregate found that might not be the case.

“The immediate thought is that it’s only old people reading the KJV and that’s why they want larger print,” said researcher Amy Rito. “But we discovered that people actually feel holier when they’re reading a bigger font, and we believe that’s the primary reason.”

The new information has led some publishers to print KJV Bibles with an even larger text size. Authorized already has extra large and super-extra large editions in production. “We’re even gonna do one limited special edition with a font size of 1611,” said Gregg. “We’re very excited about it.”

Publishers of John MacArthur books are making a similar decision.

 

Time for Some Senior Humor: Exercise!

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.

So if you find as you age that you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.