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Disaster at Seesaw Art Installation (from the Babylon Bee)

SUNLAND PARK, NM—Disaster occurred at the US-Mexico border earlier this week after the installation of seesaws on the border wall. Part of an art project by UC Berkeley faculty, the seesaws were intended to let kids on both sides of the border play with each other as a powerful statement about unity and love across borders.

Unfortunately, as obese American kids rushed to the seesaws to enjoy playing with their fellow humans on the Mexican side of the border, they accidentally launched hundreds of Mexican children over the wall.

“We did not see this coming,” said one Berkeley professor. “We just wanted the kids to play together and have some fun. But it seems like we didn’t account for just how fat American kids are these days.”

The Mexican kids were launched hundreds of feet in the air before landing on the American side of the border. Americans frantically set up a bunch of trampolines to catch them, though these bounced them pretty high and second, smaller trampolines had to be set up to catch them from their bounce. In the end, four trampolines in a row did the trick.

Hearing about the installation, those looking to immigrate to the U.S. rushed to the site and allowed the overweight American kids to continue catapulting person after person over the fencing installation until it was shut down by the Border Patrol.

 
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Posted by on November 19, 2019 in satire

 

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What about Those INTERRUPTIONS? (another shameless plug for “Unlike Jesus”)

 

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Performance-Enhancing Bible Verses (from the Babylon Bee)

BINGHAMTON, NY—League officials confirmed Thursday that Double-A baseball player and devout Christian Tim Tebow has been suspended for using performance-enhancing Bible verses both on and off the field.

Tebow was spotted injecting the encouraging Bible passages into his morning devotional in the team’s locker room and was reported to appropriate authorities. He is barred from playing in the league until a full investigation of his Bible-reading activities can be conducted.

“The league has a zero-tolerance policy on Bible verses that inspire and encourage a player to do his best and play for the glory of God, and thus bestow an unfair advantage,” league investigator Mack Columbeau said in a press conference. “We will be looking into this matter objectively and completely before rendering a final judgment on Mr. Tebow. If he has violated league policy, he’ll be punished appropriately.”

According to sources close to the matter, Tebow had looked around to make sure no one was in the locker room, but had forgotten the closed circuit cameras. He then flipped to the “highly illegal” PEVs Philippians 4:13 and Joshua 1:9 and slowly read through them and their appropriate contexts, before hiding his Bible contraband back in his baseball bag and trotting out to the field for practice.

“The evidence is pretty convincing—this doesn’t look good for Tebow’s career,” Columbeau added.

 
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Posted by on November 17, 2019 in satire

 

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How to Handle IRRITATIONS! (another shameless plug for “Unlike Jesus”)

 
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Posted by on November 16, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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Joel Osteen’s “Check Theology” Light!


HOUSTON, TX—An exasperated Joel Osteen threw up his hands while preaching this past Sunday as his pulpit’s “Check Theology” light came on once again.

“Ugh, this is the third time this month—what now!?!” he shouted in a rare outburst. Osteen then suddenly realized that the tens of thousands of people who come to his church for a self-help speech every Sunday were watching him intently. “Oh, uh, heh—I mean, it’s no problem. I, uh, just had that little outburst so you could see what NOT to do.”

“See, you don’t want to let negativity in your life,” he said, regaining his composure as he plastered a fake smile on his face.

After the service, Osteen had a pulpit mechanic in to look at the sleek, stainless steel podium. The mechanic hooked it up to his portable computer. “Ah, here’s your problem, bud,” the worker said. “Looks like you’re preaching the Word-Faith gospel again. See, when you tell people that all they have to do to solve their problems is speak words of positivity, it trips the warning on this model.”

“I recommend repenting of your false gospel right away,” the mechanic said helpfully.

Osteen then thanked the mechanic for his help and paid him to rip the Check Theology light right out of the dash.

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2019 in false teaching

 

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My Time in Africa — Teaching in Ethiopia!

Friends: I’m back in the States after almost a month in Africa! If you prayed for me, thank you! I met some fantastic believers, tried some ethnic food, and thoroughly enjoyed working with church leaders in both Zambia and Ethiopia.

In Ethiopia, my class of 20-25 consisted of church leaders and we covered my book DocTALK. The students willingly broke into small groups to discuss how the doctrines of the Christian faith apply to their situations.

Our plan is to return in August (Linda will teach some English to these students in the afternoon) and then a third time in the future. I was humbled at the quality of these leaders and am grateful to Mulu and his vision for the gospel in Addis Ababa and surrounding areas.

I was overwhelmed with the amount of people in Addis, the capital. I would love to invite any of you who wish to financially contribute to the good work they are doing. Donations may be sent to:CMML, Inc. P.O. Box 13 Spring Lake, NJ 07762-0013. There are so many needs at this important school. Mark your donation attention to the principle Mulugeta Ashagre (email: mulugetaashagre1@gmail.com). I am more than happy to answer any questions you have.

Again, blessings on you all for lifting me up in prayer! Here’s a short video clip of some of the children in Ethiopia clapping for me!

 
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Posted by on November 14, 2019 in Africa

 

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The Forgotten Third: Developing a Relationship with God the Holy Spirit — What Do We Learn from 2 & 3 John about the Holy Spirit?

There are two ways of approaching the doctrines of the Scriptures. One way is to collect all the data throughout the Bible into logical categories (called “systematic theology”). The other way is to work through individual books of the Bible, collecting the data on a particular subject (this is called “biblical theology,” although the term is used in other ways in less than conservative circles). When we ask, what does the epistle of 2 & 3 John say about God the Holy Spirit, we are taking a kind of biblical theology approach. Our conviction in these posts is that, while some believers overemphasize the Spirit, others overlook Him. We want to do neither, but long to have a balanced view of the Third Member of the Trinity.

What do we find when we unit-read (read straight through at one sitting) the epistle of 2 & 3 John? We find that there is precious little reference to the Spirit of God in Titus! But here’s the one reference that we do have —

2 John —
Again we have a greeting from the Father and the Son (with the Spirit being omitted) (1:3). I refer to these omissions of the Spirit as “binitarian” texts, i.e., the Spirit is omitted. Why? Perhaps to emphasize His behind-the-scenes work?

We have a similar binitarian reference in verse 9 where we read, “anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son.”

3 John —
In the one chapter third letter of John we have no overt references to the Spirit of God. There is a fascinating statement in verse 11 – “Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.” Has anyone “seen” God? Certainly John means this metaphorically.

The Challenge today: Show others that you have “seen” God by not doing evil and by doing good!

 

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2019 in The Holy Spirit

 

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